About Me
- beamies
- I am a stay at home mom to my own little dinosaur, R-Rex and married to a sweet, Japanese clean freak, S-man. I live in small town Alberta where at times the mosquitoes or snowflakes out number the people by millions. Just trying to make it through the day sane, with a happy child and husband and if I am lucky a few minutes to spare for me to blog!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Tale of Two Countries
11:30 AM
I am a big dreamer! Not only day dreams but night dreams too. Whenever I have something on the mind or an upcoming event it comes out in my night dreams. About a week or two before any plane trip I will have tons of plane crash dreams which just adds to my anxiety of flying. When I was pregnant I had a dream that I gave birth to a little hamster. I was so disppointed that my baby was a hamster but vowed to love and take care of him the best I could. Then one day I was strapping him into the tiny baby carrier and his head fell off. Read into that one Freud!
So lately I have been dreaming about moving back to Canada. I have been seeing my family and eating Canadian foods, with strange things mixed in too. As they would not be my dreams if there was not some crazy in there :) So you don't have to be a dream analyzer to know that I am excited to be going back to Canada and seeing my family, Canadian friends and eating Canadian food. I am also looking forward to setting down roots. When we came back to Japan we knew it was only for a few years and it was so S-man could be closer to his family, friends and favorite foods for awhile. Since highschool all my stops in life have only been temporary in that we have never planned to stay at any of them for a long period of time. Don't get me wrong I have loved every stop in my life and wouldn't take any of them back. Especially because at each stop I have met amazing people that I am proud to call my friends. But I am ready to set down roots and stay somewhere for awhile, to actually buy a house and furnish it without thinking about how I am going to move or get rid of the stuff in a few years.
As excited as I am though about going home and setting down roots the other half of me is extremely sad. Sad about leaving all more great friends that I have made (I will truly miss you all), leaving S-man's family, leaving our life in Japan and that R-rex will not remember what life was like in Japan. I would love to stay here but ultimately can not give up being away from family and the comfort of being in my home country. I feel incredibly selfish in making S-man do this though because I can't. This is one of the major problems in being married to someone from another country. Especially with S-man because I did not meet him in Canada I met him in Japan and at that time he had no urge to live anywhere but Japan. It feels like one of us will always be sacrificing their true comfort and happiness for the other. Not to say S-man does not love Canada and I don't love Japan but it is not where either of our family is and will always encounter difficulties that we would not have in our home countries. Though I guess that's what we signed up for when we got married and unless we win the lottery so that we can summer in Canada and winter in Japan is just something we have to deal with.
So lately I have been dreaming about moving back to Canada. I have been seeing my family and eating Canadian foods, with strange things mixed in too. As they would not be my dreams if there was not some crazy in there :) So you don't have to be a dream analyzer to know that I am excited to be going back to Canada and seeing my family, Canadian friends and eating Canadian food. I am also looking forward to setting down roots. When we came back to Japan we knew it was only for a few years and it was so S-man could be closer to his family, friends and favorite foods for awhile. Since highschool all my stops in life have only been temporary in that we have never planned to stay at any of them for a long period of time. Don't get me wrong I have loved every stop in my life and wouldn't take any of them back. Especially because at each stop I have met amazing people that I am proud to call my friends. But I am ready to set down roots and stay somewhere for awhile, to actually buy a house and furnish it without thinking about how I am going to move or get rid of the stuff in a few years.
As excited as I am though about going home and setting down roots the other half of me is extremely sad. Sad about leaving all more great friends that I have made (I will truly miss you all), leaving S-man's family, leaving our life in Japan and that R-rex will not remember what life was like in Japan. I would love to stay here but ultimately can not give up being away from family and the comfort of being in my home country. I feel incredibly selfish in making S-man do this though because I can't. This is one of the major problems in being married to someone from another country. Especially with S-man because I did not meet him in Canada I met him in Japan and at that time he had no urge to live anywhere but Japan. It feels like one of us will always be sacrificing their true comfort and happiness for the other. Not to say S-man does not love Canada and I don't love Japan but it is not where either of our family is and will always encounter difficulties that we would not have in our home countries. Though I guess that's what we signed up for when we got married and unless we win the lottery so that we can summer in Canada and winter in Japan is just something we have to deal with.
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4 comments:
Wow it must be so exciting/nerve racking to be going home!
Do you feel pressure to organise everything??? Ryota and I want to eventually go back to Aus but I feel like it's so much responsibility for me! You're very brave! What are you guys planning to do when you get home??
hehe I love the hampster baby dream! Kinda freaky for you though I'd imagine!
I can understand why you'd be sad to leave your life in Japan but you can come back for visits right, wow Seiyan's family are going to miss you guys so much!
I think this problem is something that everyone in an international relationship faces at some stage. I am very envious that your chance to go home has come so soon! Like Corinne said, it must be nerve racking to be going home though. I really want to move back to Australia and we do have hopes of going back in about 10 years or so but the thought of actually doing it scares me. I worry that we won't be able to survive, that we won't be able to find jobs, that our lives won't actually be better off than if we stayed in Japan. But to be honest, given the chance, I would move back today :)
I think what you are doing is a wonderful opportunity and I can't wait to read all about your new adventures in Canada!
It is a little nerve racking to go home and about two months ago I was very stressed about it. Though in the time since I have come up with a plan and things don't seem so scary any more. I think having already lived there for four years before we came back and having the immigration thing dealt with makes it easier.
Corinne - We are hoping to get Seiyan a job in a factory near where we are settling and I hope to start my own business so I can stay home still with Raiden.
Nay - It can be scary but it all seems to eventually work out. I hope you make it back to Australia some day :)
i have always been pretty sure i'd be staying in japan. some days are harder than others to accept it (even now!!) but i am at peace with it (for the moment. ask me again when my kids start junior high....)
you are lucky your husband is willing to move to canada. i wish you all happiness and success!